Goodbye Korea! Anyong California!

Amazingly my year in Korea is over. Complete. As in I'm already back in California and have been back for almost two weeks now. Where has the time gone? All those negative days of sitting on the couch watching TV while the rain incessantly fell outside, of pining away for cheese and tacos, of huddling in the freezing cold English Room waiting to teach my class of twelve... those days seem long ago... and silly. I don't want people to think, especially those friends I spent so much time with in Korea, I don't want people to think I didn't enjoy my time. I really did. And I tried not to take it for granted although I sure did some days.

There were also many positive days in Korea. Days when I would come home from school excited about what I had taught, about the progress I had made with certain students, about the relationships I was forming. There were countless dinners out with Amber and Scott, from shabu shabu to Cold Stone. There were my fabulous vacations. There were the many trips to Seoul and the infrequent trips to Busan, Sokcho, Gangneung. I had an amazing opportunity in Korea and am very fortunate to have been in the position in my life to take advantage of such an adventure. When I studied abroad for four months in Italy during college I was certain I did not want to stay for an entire year. But when December came and I was mildly fluent in Italian I wished I could stay. I could see the possibilities in front of me, the possibilities I had with the language, with study and with travel. And now I have done it, I have lived abroad for 12+ months. This time I didn't learn the language, but I did travel and I did learn at least the beginning steps of what it means to be a teacher and what it means to become a good teacher.

A fellow EPIK participant who attended UC Riverside recently recounted a conversation she had with her parents on her website. They asked if the US felt like a dream after Korea, she said no, they asked if Korea felt like a dream, she said yes. I have to agree. Although it was an entire year and it sure felt like even longer at times, now that I'm back its like that time didn't exist. Was I really so far away? In a land that was foreign, but in a lot of ways not so different than my own? Here in Lancaster, California, little is different than how I left it. I am so glad to see friends and family and love that when I am with them it really is as if no time has gone by.

A few weeks before we left Korea I talked with Jason about what is, I think, one of the most difficult parts of living abroad for a year, especially in a country where the basic structures of culture are different than what you are used to, and where the language is indeed so foreign to you that there is no way you could attempt to master it in a year.

As I was talking a a walk around the neighborhood a few weeks before we left I noticed the open front door of the building diagonal to my own apartment. I had passed this door so many times, with its Buddhist flag hanging above and red brick exterior. The door was rarely open but this time it was. Inside I glimpsed a wood floor and sparse walls, it looked like a typical Korean living room. But obscuring my vision was a wooden folding partition, right past the doorway. I could see an old woman sitting inside, cross legged on the floor, but half of her body was obscured to me, as was the person she was talking to, as was what she was doing. It was a fleeting glimpse into her home that I could only partially view.

The image stuck with me and I began to think of it as the perfect example of the underlying stress of living in a different culture that you are not a member of. No matter how much I wanted to see what was going on inside, I never would. As much as I wished I could go up to my neighbor and talk to her and be welcomed into her home, I never could. What's lacking when you are abroad is the sense of a community in which you belong. Korean society is built on community instead of individualism, yet I couldn't join it. Of course Koreans were always extremely kind to us, from students to coworkers to random restaurant owner we were well received and appreciated. Yet we were always outside. Some people, myself previously included, would say this is just how Koreans are, that they treat you like an outsider when it comes down to it. But I don't think this is a Korean phenomena. It stems from being a transitory occupant. I knew I was leaving in a year so I only tried to form so many bonds. I attempted to learn Korean a little, at first, but I quickly abandoned my studies. I can't fault the society around me for not taking me in when I can't even communicate with them! But its this very glimpse of a warm home, a sweet grandmother, that you long for but cannot attain. It is a subtle and subconscious longing that you do not realize exists but is the cause of sleepless nights and worry.

I now believe it is true that Western and Eastern cultures a very different in a few very obvious ways. This difference is accentuated by language. It is so much easier for someone who speaks English to learn French than Korean. That is not to say it cannot be done. And I do not agree with people who say "oh that language is too hard for you to learn, don't try" as many of my peers in college said to each other. We just have to change our mentality when approaching an Eastern language or an Eastern culture, we were literally worlds apart at one time. But that glimpse of the grandmother in her home, while saddening in its unattainable way, is also hopeful and comforting if you look at it differently. As different as I was from someone who grew up in Korea, I could still relate to the basic conditions of life. A loving family in a warm home is the same anywhere, no matter how that home or that family looks on the outside.

This is the last post of Madeline in Korea. Thank you to those who followed along. And thank you also for your support and enthusiasm for both Jason and I. We share very special memories together, with our friends and coworkers and students, and it has been wonderful to share them with my broader family.

Oh, and if you were wondering, our kitty that we rescued from the streets of Wonju is here too! He is named Twist and gets bigger ever day. He easily made it back on the flight with us, no problems at all, and has adjusted to his new American life just perfectly (as he sleeps away on the couch.) What a perfect little family.

I will miss you!